I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
