The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
