What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
