I wish I only lived at night.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
