that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
