How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
