at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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