Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
