youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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