I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
