I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize