i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
