After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
