remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
