make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
