i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
