i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
