Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
