yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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