My first STD was from a foam party
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
