hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
They are going to name an STD after you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
