it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize