Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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