Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
