im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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