Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
