she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
