I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize