Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
