Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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