this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
