i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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