He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
