plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
