I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
People in love make me want to vomit
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
