No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
