Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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