I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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