I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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