is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize