I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize