I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
