i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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