dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
