I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
