Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
