he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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