What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
