From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
