Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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