god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
