HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
