I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
