??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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