Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
