I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize