This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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