so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
