I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
