then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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