Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
