Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
