There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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