i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
