Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
