a queef is a wish your heart makes.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize