Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
