There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
