Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
two words...techno handjob
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize