If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
