If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
