Just cropdusted the office
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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