he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
