TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So much rum. So many feels.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
