If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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