it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
