Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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