so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
