Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
