I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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