This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
