Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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