i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
