i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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