You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
