how can u be prego again
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
