i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
sex in a hospital.. check
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
