New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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